Never Marry a Man who has No Friends

25 Aug

The NY Times recently ran an article titled “An Ideal Husband,” based on Father Pat Connor’s “Whom Not to Marry” lecture, which he’s given to high school seniors for the past 40 years.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/06/opinion/06dowd.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

So what does a celibate man who spent decades counseling marriages, and is not trying to sell you a book, have to say about choosing the right partner?    A few highlights:

“Never marry a man who has no friends,” he starts. “This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. I am always amazed at the number of men I have counseled who have no friends. Since, as the Hebrew Scriptures say, ‘Iron shapes iron and friend shapes friend,’ what are his friends like? ….

 This was great to read, especially since it’s the first time I’ve seen this in print.   I have experience in this particular field, and in my opinion, my brother in Christ just dropped some of the truest 411 ever.   When a person has no close bonds with others, there’s usually more going on there than “independence,” “being too busy,” or whatever excuse is offered.

“Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband.”….

“Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?….

I just had a revelation.  Check it:  The ‘man of mystery’ who seems so sexy and …mysterious … at the beginning, is the same guy who drives you crazy a few years down the road for being ‘secretive.’   And ‘secretive’ goes so well with “fibber.”  And “control freak.”  And…misery.

I believe the main idea expressed here is :   core personality traits matter.  A lot.  More than the initial way a person makes you ‘feel.’  The butterflies, infatuation, and sexual attraction are great, but to continue feeling so ‘good,’ you better agree with the foundation of this person too.

Yeah…common sense…but….not like the movies at all.   That idea of ‘romance,’ which leaves one starry-eyed and hopeful.. is a tough habit to break.

 Or not?

Thoughts?     

 

See also:  Never Trust a Woman Who Has No Girlfriends

Never Trust a Man Wearing Italian Leather Shoes

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21 Responses to “Never Marry a Man who has No Friends”

  1. ballsdanglin July 6, 2009 at 1:14 pm #

    this was wriiten by a broad or a homosexual! that man with no friend is problably an independant thinker & he doesn’t need friends to stoke his ego he problably doesn’t even want to marry. friends come and go, 99.9% are fake as hell and only around when they want something. your husband is suppose to be forever! but due to the girlyman poiliticians that gave their power to their women, marriage don’t work today. very few stay married. you should have wrote never marry a woman with male friends. it doesn’t make any sence for a man to get married in america. you have to much to lose. women are and always will be wishy washy because most of you wimpy men spoil them to death. and you wonder why she wont give you none! i beat that man with no friends gets more pussy that you!

  2. 79sparrows July 10, 2009 at 12:22 am #

    Nah.
    If you think about it, it is perfectly healthy to have more than one relationship going on at a time.
    Do you know what I mean?

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  4. Bill Bartmann September 19, 2009 at 1:51 pm #

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  5. Mathew December 5, 2009 at 5:15 pm #

    Well I am a guy (With no friends) as I believe they are not necessary. I have lived a long enough time with out any friends to know I can get along and be happy with out any. And if that is hard for some of you to understand well that’s a problem you have with needing friends. Of course I have work colleagues that I am friendly with (But only in work!) As of course if it is necessary to work with them it is necessary to get on well with them. And now I say I have a girlfriend and I treat her well as she deserves to be treated well. And I can say right now…If she goes on to marry me (Hopefully she won’t see this stupid artical) and come up with a reason not to marry me. As I was saying, If she goes on to marry me, I will always be faithful and good to her and always do anything I can for her as long as it’s reasonable!!! AND because I have no friends (Don’t get me wrong I don’t want any) SHE alone will be the center of my world. If that is not GOOD well some of you can not see that she is and always will be the most loved woman in the world. So how can I be so sure that I will always be faithful to her in this modern CrAzY World? You ask.. Well I love, respect and cherish her and I wish she would be the same to me in our life together as if that is the case we will go on to live happily ever after. So I would like a chance to prove your artical wrong and it is my wish that you contact me in the year 2050 to see how things are going… God Bless

  6. Ihatebernbrochu June 26, 2010 at 6:29 pm #

    I dated a man who had no friends and he was a fuckin loser..totallya gree

  7. 79sparrows June 26, 2010 at 7:45 pm #

    :-) I feel ya brochu. Time has passed and I still agree with this article 100%

  8. Ihatebernbrochu July 5, 2010 at 10:00 pm #

    AND you have to wonder why a man has no friends? WHY can’t he connect to people.

    Sure I like being loved, but when you make someone the CENTER of your world what happens when that person leaves it?

    You end up with a STALKER. BOTH men that I dated who had NO friends, couldn’t accept me dumping them.

    They both put me through guilt trips…as if guilting someone is a way to get them back?

    Like what the fuck???

    I couldn’t carry on a good conversation with either of my “friend less” boyfriends…One was obsessed with sex and the other was obsessed with cars…

    When I dumped the second one, he stalked me for months until I got the police after them…

    A guy with NO friends means he will become a LEACH and have NO life outside of the relationship…and if that relationship ENDs, his life is DESTROYED…

    THAT’S NOT COOL!!!

    Really though…NO friends usually translates into NO life and being “dependent” on someone to provide you with a “life”

    • Cat June 3, 2013 at 11:15 pm #

      I really see your point and wrote the article below- see Cat. It is very wearing to be with a man who cannot start his life anew with someone new because his life is destroyed by his ex girlfriend… Yes, they do live their lives through you and this can be very draining to say the least. I do not think it is fair for the girlfriend to be the only one in his life- it is very co-dependent and demanding.

  9. captain October 30, 2010 at 6:50 pm #

    99.999% of you are not worth marrying. Your “losers” are really…. YOU.

    • 79sparrows November 5, 2010 at 1:16 pm #

      hehehe glad to see you loved the post!
      come back again sweetie. :-)

  10. opinion March 15, 2012 at 10:11 pm #

    lol if u have no friends, deal with it! tough shit! dont expect some hot popular girl to come along and want u!! lmao! how can u think u can live through someone else. u will sink even lower if u try that ha ha

  11. Sands September 21, 2012 at 10:39 am #

    Not all people who lack friends are ‘fibbers’ & ‘control freaks’. Some people lack friends for all sorts of reasons and more often than not it is a reflection of a judgemental society.
    Lets face it, most groups of friends are ‘controlled’ by an Alpha male or Queen B. When threatened & insecure the Alpha or QB will target / bully a member on the fringe of their group of friends. This leaves the target sometimes traumatized socially. Lacking confidents they withdraw from other friends fearing further rejection.
    Others may have experienced violent abuse as children from family members which makes them distrustful & unwilling to engage.
    Then there is autism spectrum. It is suspected that the vast majority of people with some level of Autism have never been diagnosed.
    Mostly people are miss understood & are quickly judged with out the facts. All some people need is to be understood and given a chance.
    Please be more considerate.

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    • MB April 26, 2013 at 9:00 pm #

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  14. Cat June 3, 2013 at 11:10 pm #

    Interesting… trying to stay neutral but see both sides. Nice to have a man who has some friends but then not friends who badly influence him. Also nice to have a man where you are the center of his world as his partner but then who was his partner before you if he is older? Ever think of this?… I am currently in a relationship, the beginning of a relationship, with a man whose ex partner was the center of his world and his best friend. He had no other friends. She actually called all the shots and left him after she lost a lot of weight and felt she wanted a more materialistic life than he wanted and to live in a fancier place… She went from her family home to his home at about 28 and never lived on her own until she left him. She was the center of his world… Now why am I bringing this up, or her?, because it is very hard to form a strong bond with a man who already gave his heart or world to another woman who left him and now I have her leftovers and his broken heart to deal with. When men do not have other friends or outlets to turn to to get support or some kind of emotional release other than their last girlfriend in this case (one of 14 years), it is really hard for them to form a strong bond with the new woman… I would not recommend this type of guy, esp. when he always talks about his ex and how he is not over her because she was the center of his world. As the new woman in his life, I can tell you that it takes your sexual stimulation and feelings of love down by at least 40%…. I actually feel like dating other men who are more outgoing and interesting and do not live in the past with their ex girlfriend(s) who appear to be ghosts lingering in their hearts and minds because they were their only friends. I do not recommend dating or being with a guy who has no friends and who can’t seem to get over his ex girlfriend(s) who were his life before the new woman came along… I highly recommend these types of guys to go to counseling and not be in denial about their social skills lacking and shy complex.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    [...] Italian Leather Shoes Well, it has been a few years since I blogged a little peice called: “Never Marry a Man Who Has No Friends” [...]

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