The NY Times recently ran an article titled “An Ideal Husband,” based on Father Pat Connor’s “Whom Not to Marry” lecture, which he’s given to high school seniors for the past 40 years.
So what does a celibate man who spent decades counseling marriages, and is not trying to sell you a book, have to say about choosing the right partner? A few highlights:
This was great to read, especially since it’s the first time I’ve seen this in print. I have experience in this particular field, and in my opinion, my brother in Christ just dropped some of the truest 411 ever. When a person has no close bonds with others, there’s usually more going on there than “independence,” “being too busy,” or whatever excuse is offered.
“Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband.”….
“Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?….
I just had a revelation. Check it: The ‘man of mystery’ who seems so sexy and …mysterious … at the beginning, is the same guy who drives you crazy a few years down the road for being ‘secretive.’ And ‘secretive’ goes so well with “fibber.” And “control freak.” And…misery.
I believe the main idea expressed here is : core personality traits matter. A lot. More than the initial way a person makes you ‘feel.’ The butterflies, infatuation, and sexual attraction are great, but to continue feeling so ‘good,’ you better agree with the foundation of this person too.
Yeah…common sense…but….not like the movies at all. That idea of ‘romance,’ which leaves one starry-eyed and hopeful.. is a tough habit to break.