I read my daily horoscope once in a while.
Lately, though, they’ve seemed more and more like boring tips. Take for instance, today’s reading:
You’ve got a lot of questions and you might get more than you bargained for today when you go looking for answers. It’s all good, but the surprises could throw you off course for a while!
Golly gee willakers, thanks for looking out there, astrology.com. This reading was helpful for about zero seconds. The only answers I went looking for today is where to find a new IPOD, since mine broke sometime during my alcohol-infused trip to Milwaukee.
These kind of astrological discrepancies got me thinking about the core description for my sign, which is Cancer.
Cancer is the astrological sign for those born between June 22-July 22. We are known for being sensitive, romantic, warm, sympathetic caregivers: ultimately, the ‘best’ astrological sign of them all, as far as character goes.
It is true—we are great listeners. I’ve known several Cancers, and believe me, we know all about feelings. We know how you’re feeling—we can feel how you are feeling. Which is not the case with other signs….hmmmm. We will listen, put ourselves in your position and be the sturdiest shoulder you’ve ever cried on.
But we are assholes just like the rest of the world. What do you expect from someone who’s mood changes every ten minutes?
I always know when I’m talking to a fellow Cancerian, because we can spend all day talking about feelings. Being so aware of feelings…all day…is exhausting. Maybe that’s why we eat all the time.
And because we are so nice as your personal confidante, we are utterly traumatized by critisicm. Please believe, in our book… there is no such thing as constructive critisicm. Our do-goodness trait leads to our martyrdom complex. Have you ever seen “Dog: The Bounty Hunter” ? Perfect example of a Cancer. He’s tough, sensitive, and that little talk he gives at the end? All Cancer right there.
We are loving, emotional control freaks.
But we do it for all the right reasons.