The thing with jerks, is that the whole relationship revolves around their happiness. Have you ever noticed that? Since no one has yet developed a handy pamplet listing indicators of jerk-dom, I’ll break it down, using my wealth of experience.
Through the years, there were many interventions. People did their best to explain that the men I liked were causing me chronic unhappiness. Someone once explained being in love like this: Say you have a bad day at work. Everything goes wrong and you just need cheering up. On the way home, you stop to buy a card for the one you love. Please pause for a moment to absorb. When I first heard this concept, I was momentarily confused, then blown away.
A jerk is incapable of looking past their own selfish desires. There’s no gratification for them in your happiness. Really. It’s a very twisted ‘reward’ system: you do what they want=happy times. Hence the ‘highs and lows’ syndrome prevalent when dating someone who’s a few clowns short of a circus. Because trust, jerks aren’t playing with a full deck.
What happened to them? 9 times out of 10? : Mother issues. Jerks usually have less-than-decent mothers. An un-nurtured/emotionally abused boy grows up to be a demanding man. Nothing is ever good enough because no matter how many times you bring him Popeye’s chicken, it doesn’t erase all those times his mother let him down. The other possibility is the guy is a musician.
It’s tough to wake up one day and realize nothing is what it seems. Being a jerk magnet comes with an insecurity problem-acknowledging ones insecurity is the first step in changing that. Rest assured: jerks are the most insecure of all. They’re so busy blaming everyone else for their behavior,….. that’s a lot of bad days.
Save yourself for someone who will at least buy you a card.