Shut up. Stop. Move Forward

I used to blog for attention, aka “for readers. “   I logged on obsessively throughout the day, check my stats, check for comments, advertise.   Then I realized the pressure put a damper over my writer’s spirit.  I was writing for the wrong reasons.    After a hiatus, I remembered how much I missed writing, and subsequently returned to WordPress.  I like to exist you know.  But now I’m just here to write. 

Tomorrow, I will go into Washington DC and behave like a tourist:  a trip to the Smithsonian!     I’d rather fold my underwear, but my friend did a good job pressuring me into going with him.  Ever since he’s been out of jail, he has been on this “let’s go to the museums for the day” kick, and I avoided it for long enough.  I feel it is my duty to support his new venture into sober activities.  This is what it means to “take one for the team.”   Considering:  I’ve never liked educational trips, and now as an adult, I still would rather do 10,000 other things on my day off.  Also:  I hate dinosaurs, so I hope they go light on those sensationalized prehistoric beasts.

I didn’t like museums as a kid either.  To me, the process was too rigid, and everything is behind ropes and glass and on tv screens.   It’s funny how much we remain the same person as we were as kids.   As Henry Rollins said, “The music you listened to when you were 8,  you’re going to listen to when you’re 80.”  And that speaks volumes. 

What happened to you as a kid?   Do those things still affect the way you process the present?    I can’t speak for the whole class, but I believe the way we learned to survive the world, the years of grade school, our family, our adolescence, is so telling of our behavior as adults.   It sucks in a way, because to reverse those conditioned mechanisms…is a necessary battle.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Lana says:

    Dude… First off, I love the new design on your blog. It looks awesome!!

    Secondly, I agree. The things you did as a kid really hold a huge sway over how you react to things as an adult. I’ve seen in myself so many defense mechanisms and scars I’ve picked up that affect who I am now. Emil pointed out to me the other day that he could tell that when I was a kid, I felt cheated, or like someone was always going to take my food or toys, just by the way I’ll horde some candy in the fridge or how I’ll gulp my tea to the last drop. You don’t notice it sometimes until you stop to think about it or someone points it out to you, but you are absolutely right.

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